Self homicide – A Sin? September 26, 2011
Posted by Akriti Bahal in Heartbreaks, Love.Tags: Chocolate, Crackle, Depression, Die, Kill, Lonliness, Silk, Suicide
21 comments
Just the kind of demented girl, nobody ever wants to be, (or even have, for that matter) that’s the one who is there, right inside me.
And this rolls me back to November 2009, when a Crackle unexpectedly appeared in front of me. And THIS changed my life.
Not knowing then, how a petty bar of chocolate could devastate you completely from deep beneath. (And, already aware of the reality of the virile clan, that’s how I began my journey to make a fool of myself, yet again.) Trust began trickling down through me gradually, though with fear and incertitude.
Shit-soaked
And then one fine day, I opened my eyes, just to find ‘that-single-bar-of-chocolate’ revolving around my entire world and fitting in it completely. (Maybe, that was meant to be a good thing, but it was not the same with the ‘chocolate’. It had many distractions and varieties to blend itself with, just to form a new flavour.) Not finding even a bird-chirping or even an insect-squeaking around me, it was the only thing that I possessed in my life.
But, new flavours continued to fall in. From Fruit And Nut, to Bournville, and finally, to Silk. And then all that was there, was only Silk! Silk! Silk! The chocolate, my only chocolate, was ready to give up everything, just to blend itself with the au courant and the most popular flavour. Gradually, sharings and conversations decreased; selfishness and covertness increased. And finally, they reduced to zilch (or even less), when the chocolate stopped feeling the need to even show up in my chatroom, and always be pre-occupied in the Silk Factory’s chatroom. Clearly, it stopped missing me. And I was budged out. Egressed. And about my life, it ended (or atleast from the psyche, it has).
What next? The Rupees 30 Crackle grew into a Rupees 100 Silk.
All of a sudden, I woke up from my dream, with a parched throat yearning for a Dairymilk Crackle. I absconded towards my refrigerator, opened the fridge door, took out a Crackle and I-ATE-IT.
Arse!
In actuality, it’s been a really long time, I have been trying to run away, pretending everything to be fine, trying hard to smile with the crowd. But the truth is, it is not. I am not fine. The reality is –
Yes, I am suicidal. And I need help. I really do.
Any concerns? Care? No. Never mind, blessedness to the entirety.
For those who do, my email id is – enri.akriti@gmail.com. I verily need a therapist’s reference (please).
(Nah, all this crap flooding above, I had just been kidding. Enjoy your lives people!)
When the life-’less’ turn soul-’full’ September 20, 2011
Posted by Akriti Bahal in Happiness, Heartbreaks, Love, Struggle.Tags: Distress, Smile, Tears
20 comments
As the pink bracelet lies twisted and entangled, with the beads scattered on my bed, I look at the torn pieces of the envelopes screaming ‘Valentines’ Day’ and ‘Happy Birthday’, when a tear drops by.
Why did you depart from me?
I continue to gaze at the handwritten curves of emotion, when the soul-less silence suddenly breaks with a faint screech. Spanning my view everywhere, I find no one around. With the resonance of the ‘invisible-outcry’ replaying itself inside my head, I look down. And to my surprise, I find the fallen tear crying.
Refusing to believe at my eyes, but too late to retreat back from the notion, I asked the tear, “Why are you crying?” To which he replied, “Because I departed from you.” In the teeth of knowing the presence of falseness, which my heart refused to believe, I find myself diving into the ocean of reminiscence.
Those tiny broken pieces of a long-lost mirror, finding their way into a hidden crevice, sometimes playing games on light, sometimes reflecting those unguarded wounds she had chosen to be in denial about; like a memory that got lost in the din of that night she will never forget, a conversation that changed everything as it stood. A memory she had earnestly convinced herself was just another hallucination. When she lay on her bed with a rubicund glow, fiddling with her hair; her tresses falling over her eyes, irritating her but, she was too engrossed to set it right. When smile was her best friend and it never lost it’s way.When the whole night would pass by playing piano, guitar or nonsensical games, yet managing to find her way through the aurora with radiance. And then the magic wand swayed it’s effect, ruddy turned into stygian and sheen into defect. Rarely would she live, seldom would she smile.
Abruptly breaking my woven-web of retrospection, I found the wailing increase. The multi-shriek voices hypnotized me to look around, just to find the bracelet, the beads, the envelope shedding tears too. I ask them, “Why are you crying?” To which they replied, “Because we were departed from you.”
Up went my sight, and I looked into the mirror. And I find myself filled with, watery-yet-full-of-emotions, saline-yet-distasteful, tears.
Project: 50 movies I need to see by the end of the Year September 16, 2011
Posted by Akriti Bahal in 2012, entertainment, Happiness, Movies, Nature, Peace, September.10 comments
What? Now stop your wide-eyed phenomena and stop scaring your screen to the extent of dying! Look, it might just start crying now! Of course, I can watch 50 movies by the end of this year, I mean it’s just September, and calculating the 3 months left, it makes it 106 days to finally scream “Happy New Year”! ( I mean ya, despite the fact that we all know that we’re are gonna die by the end of the baby-year. What? Ya ya, of course, I believe that we are gonna die, why not! After all, my cupboard has a cave-man living (Jumanji) and I’m from Narnia!). Anyway, it might be a dreaded year for some, (although I know that ‘some’ is limited only to the ancient lot but, yeah we do have some senile neophytes too, after all it’s 2012! C’mon! forgotten the eminent prediction? Yeah, right! ) but for most of us, it’s just something awaited, so that we can just plunge into, on 13/12/12 and say, “Ahaa! I’m still alive.” (Though we don’t really care.)
Yes, I agree and I’m very much familiar (infact we all are) with the problem that Earth is facing in the present day and age. Of course, we all (here in Delhi) experienced the abrupt, but austere earthquake on 7th September 2011, and we are experiencing it daily, the furies of Mother Nature, in forms of acrid rains with staccato thunders and the hasty weather conditions subsisting. It’s just the wrathful Mother Nature giving us a -‘WARNING! DEAD END AHEAD!’ and alerting us that it’s high time, we start looking into our humanly-destructive-actions. C’mon, if not now, then when guys! Surely, we don’t want these abrupt rains (and such weather anomalies) all the time.
Anyway, not deviating from my movie-madness anymore now, (although I know, I’ve already crossed all the limits of digression, but it’s better late than.. Oh! C’mon! Deal with it!) Okay, so coming back to my calculation of 106 days. Yeah, that seems quite an affluent time, no? I mean of course, cutting down 6 days for my next-most-recent exams plus 4 more days for my one set of practicals (plus 8 more for the other set) plus 30 more days for more exams and also, not to forget the crazy schedule of my dear college, so cutting another 18 days, I get a sumptuous time of (drum-roll) ’40′ days, surfeit no? Huh.
But, just when the cruelties of my college transcends , I rise up with my new madness (Haha). Movies are something I have enjoyed watching my whole life, but it wasn’t until a few years ago that I had fallen in love with them. As a casual fan for so many years, I missed out on a lot of great movies. In order to continue to push myself to see more great movies, I have compiled this list of 50 movies I must see before the end of the year. Fifty seemed like a low number — and it probably is — but now I think it would be a fair amount to squeeze in amidst the winter madness. These are 50 movies from all eras, and I made sure to include some genres and directors that I want to familiarize myself with. Some are more important than others, but these are all films that I have heard quite a bit about and therefore would like to indulge in them.
This will be an ongoing project with my ultimate deadline being to have seen all of these by the end of the year.
The Final List:
1.) It’s a Wonderful Life [1946]
2.) The Sound of Music [1965]
3.) The Godfather [1972]
4.) The Godfather: Part II [1974]
5.) Annie Hall [1977, Allen]
6.) Breaking Away [1979]
7.) Norma Rae [1979]
8.) Airplane! [1980]
9.) Grave of the Fireflies [1988]
10.) My Left Foot [1989]
11.) Scent of a Woman [1992, Martin Brest]
12.) Unforgiven [1992]
13.) A Few Good Men [1992, Reiner]
14.) A River Runs Through It [1992, Redford]
15.) Schindler’s List [1993, Spielberg]
16.) Philadelphia [1993]
17.) Twelve Monkeys [1995, Gilliam]
18.) Braveheart [1995]
19.) Earthquake [1974]
20.) Good Will Hunting [1997]
21.) Volcano [1997, Mick Jackson]
22.) October Sky [1999]
23.) Dancer in the Dark [2000]
24.) Unbreakable [2000]
25.) Mr. Holland’s Opus [1995]
26.) Training Day [2001, Fuqua]
27.) Minority Report [2002]
28.) Chariots of Fire [1981]
29.) Road to Perdition [2002, Mendes]
30.) The Pianist [2002]
31.) Seabiscuit [2003]
32.) Hulk [2003]
33.) Hotel Rwanda [2004, George]
34.) Hidalgo [2004]
35.) Million Dollar Baby [2004]
36.) The Machinist [2004]
37.) Crash [2004]
38.) National Treasure [2004, Turteltaub]
39.) Ray [2004]
40.) Coco Avant Chanel [2009]
41.) Munich [2005]
42.) The World’s Fastest Indian [2005]
43.) The Prestige [2006, Nolan]
44.) The Departed [2006]
45.) Zodiac [2007]
46.) The Kite Runner [2007]
47.) Dark Knight [2008]
48.) Wall-E [2008, Stanton]
49.) Shutter Island [2010]
50.) The King’s Speech [2010]
And now, the clock has begun. Tik Tok! Tik Tok! Tik Tok Tik!
Wake Me Up When September Ends. September 5, 2011
Posted by Akriti Bahal in Autumn, Happiness, Peace, September, Summer.6 comments
Sallow dried leaves covering the roads, crushing against your feet as you walk past the groves. The sound of *crisp* and the echo of *crunch*, following you with every step, pouring into your ears like nothing less than descant.
The amber scenery taking over the greenery. The jewels of golden leaves and the gems of gleamy petals, pervasive everywhere till the eyes can encounter.
Fall is here! It’s autumn, the year’s last loveliest smile, my dear! (By the way, did you notice, I’ve been rhyming all this while. Nah, I’m just bragging, here!)
It’s the end of summer, but the beginning of memories. Summer in Delhi, has always been related to scorching, sweltering and to the peaks of temperatures rising to new levels each season. But, have you ever waited to think, what comes along? Yes, memories, they do! (Yea I know, now you would be thinking, with what does memories don’t come along. Be it any period of the day, any day of the month, any month of the year, or even any year of your life, memories find their own way in everything. Then what’s so special about Summer? Well.) Remember seeing the person you love, dressed, in sunset? And just to make it perfect, the Sun – sealing it with a kiss. Remember the long drives with your beloved till the breeze of the nights? (Now, well that’s surely not the thing you look forward to, during the winters unless, of course, you are Vampires and nothing but blood-freezing chill is all that satiates you!) Remember the activeness of Summer? When our hearts are as free as our toes. When laziness is forced to leave the town, just to leave an active World around. (Ooh! And here I rhyme again!)
Keeping my memories of every Summer I have witnessed, from the swimming lessons, to the cycling races, to the play-times being extended to the dead of the nights, to the night-saunterings, to the long drives et al, comfortably ensconced, I move on to a new chapter – The Autumn. (And of course, since sadness has been another name for me lately, so how can she be allowed to feel desolate here. And nah, she hasn’t. Infact she has been my most staunch companion but let’s not go there today, for a change.)
Autumn is a strange season of it’s own kind. It wins you over from the heart, but a melancholy sets in. You love the pleasant breezes, yet everything seems dull. Remember, even it’s name is ‘Fall’. (Yeah I know, now where your minds are rolling, that she’s such a whiny-beany that she can’t even leave seasons aside, but you know right, that my blue devil companion can never be left lonesome. So, don’t hurt her! But, let’s just not go there today, for a change.)
Anyway, two thoughts drawing a sketch of quirk here :
Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
Autumn wins you best by this, its mute Appeal to sympathy for its decay.
Ironical, isn’t it?
But, September is here and Summer has gone, and all I can wish for, is euphoria for a transform. And, if Autumn can’t give me solace this moment, then Wake Me Up When September Ends. (Didn’t I just rhyme again?)
