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When The World Blacked Out February 11, 2012

Posted by Akriti Bahal in Anger, Feelings, Heartbreaks, Humaneness, Life, Love, Sad, Struggle.

It’s strange how, sometimes, the saying- कभी कभी अपने भी पराये हो जाते हैं, begins to fit perfectly into the pits of your life.
Wondering whether humans are programmed to be impertinent animals or if humaneness actually exists, I go through conflicting thoughts within myself. Period.

Immense pain suddenly fills my soul, as I sit in the class enduring every tiny fleck of it. Counting every minute as it passes, I curse, as there are still three hours to go before I can rush home. Wondering if I’d be able to tolerate more, and further contemplating if I’d be able to reach home safely; I gather strength, bring in courage seeing that at least I have someone sitting beside me who’d make sure I land home safely. Someone I can rely on.
I tell my friend, “I’m having terrible pain. I don’t know how I’d be able to attend it for the complete time.”
“Tell Sir, go out and take a medicine”, I get a reply.
“No medicine helps me! I’ll bear it till the end somehow.” I try to tolerate the pain as it intensifies.

I, somehow, managed to hold the pain till the terminal, as the class ends. In hopes that my friend would care for my condition, I hoped he’d sternly offer to drop me home making sure I’m safe. Just to make sure I don’t black out and fall somewhere in between, in the route. But, the air abruptly darkens and a skirmish breaks out between us and results in criticism and- in the opposite. Unable to bear it more, I decide to go home on my own, covering the one and half hour long journey completely on my own, with this pain; though inside me I knew it would be really tough and still hoped for some help.
To my surprise, the very next moment my friend rushed his car past me, rushed it towards his home and I was left standing there all alone.

I gathered strength, and began walking towards the Metro Station, now the pain hitting my back as well. Amid my entire journey, I tried to fool the black outs and the dizziness many times, when finally they took over.
I tripped down with black out at the Inderlok Metro Station, the crowd suffocating me. I didn’t know whom to call, I didn’t know how to assemble myself again, I just wanted someone to make me sit. Everything was just black, I could hear voices which seemed like screeches. Chaos. More suffocation.
When finally, someone stepped in to help me, to take me to the bench and offer me with water. Within few moments, I could breathe again, I could see again. The air seemed to clear a little. There was still pain, though, but I felt better as oxygen rushed into my lungs. I called my Dad and finally, reached home.

Today, I was scared. Really scared, when alone.
I don’t know who helped me, I wasn’t in my senses, but whoever did, I’m really thankful. I really needed it.
In the same day, I experienced two paradoxical feelings about humans- कभी कभी अपने भी तुम्हे अकेला छोड़ देते हैं, और कभी कभी पराये भी तुमारी मदद करने के लिए आगे आ जाते हैं |

Still lying in pain weakening all my limbs, I wonder whether it’s selfishness or selflessness that will overpower if I began to estimate.
Well whatever it be, I learnt a lesson on promise day- Not to rely on anyone except your family, at least they’ll make sure you are always safe.
*Promise Day- Ironical*

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1. Soham - February 11, 2012

Get rid of that bogus and dumb friend at the earliest. He doesn’t deserve a place in your life.
True. Sometimes people become jealous, fake and unnatural when it comes to professional state.

Hope you’re okay and healthy!
Happy Promise Day by the way. :)


Akriti Bahal - February 12, 2012

Respect! :)

2. Mishra Ji - February 12, 2012

Well, I guess bad things just happen. One may call it fate, destiny whatever but they just happen. Sorry about what happened and it seems to have eroded your faith in world around.

But young lady, as much the world is full of problems- there always are double the number of good things too. I mean yes, I meet up 100 stupid people every day and maybe not so many good ones but the ones I do, are …well, immaculate :) The point is- we must not lose faith in goodness because by doing that we are doing a favour to none other than ourselves.

Since I do not know you much ( just a post old :P ), I do not know about your poetic leanings. Nevertheless, will quote this poem for you…

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Akriti Bahal - February 12, 2012

Thanks so much. I agree with the fact that goodness always comes out to way more against the evil, but maybe I just have experienced the opposite which gradually has ebbed away my faith from humaneness!
But, any which way, I must say, I absolutely loved the poetic lines that you wrote here. Kudos to you! :)

Mishra Ji - February 12, 2012

Pleasure, Young lady :) !

3. Bikram - February 12, 2012

Well the truth of life is that APNE hurt us more then the others always ..

I hope you are doing well, and why not take some pain killers even they dont help much they will numb the pain just a bit ..
or go to the doc and get urs prescribved to something stronger…

You take care of yourself …

4. The British Asian Blog - February 12, 2012

After reading your post, I realised you are a really strong person with immense courage to write about it. On a serious note of your well-being I strongly suggest you consult your doctors as if we ‘as humans’ have one gift given to us – that is our health – and I’ve learnt never to compromise on my health.

Suffering is part and parcel of all beings and living creation – its one of those aspects that simply cannot be controlled in when it happens.

Akriti Bahal - February 12, 2012

Thanks for your precious advice! I am better now. The Doctor effect actually helps. :)

5. sumukhbansal - March 9, 2012

the feeling is very familiar..
hope till now you would have started feeling gr8 again …

for next time try philosophy. some time it really helps… :)

Akriti Bahal - March 9, 2012

Yeah I agree with you! It actually helps! :)

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